What is cozy marketing?

cozy marketing: marketing that feels good for you and for your audience. marketing that is softer, stronger, and more empathetic than everything we see online.

One day, two young fish are swimming along when they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way. The older fish nods at them and says, “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” The two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and asks, “What the heck is water?”

We find ourselves at an amazing moment in the world of online business.

It is a moment where creators must either boldly step into their beliefs and convictions, or sit by and watch as their audience rallies behind someone else who stepped into their beliefs and convictions.

Recently, consumers have begun to take real notice of the water they’ve been swimming in. And they are kind of tired of it. They’re craving change.

Their preferences have noticeably tipped the scales in favor of brands who use a slower, more personal, and more human-centric approach to marketing.

This is great news for those of us who would prefer not to participate in the loud, aggressive marketing we see everywhere.

We have big hearts for people and we want to help our audience win.

And we want to do it without the activating language, without pushing people to buy, and without feeling like we are shouting into the void.

What we are looking for is something I have affectionately named “cozy marketing” and it’s what I’d like to share with you today.

For the last decade, the marketing funnel we’re all familiar with has been the most predictable and efficient way to make sales on the internet. It has been the gold standard for growing a business online.

This genre of marketing plays into pain points, loss aversion, impulsive decision-making, and triggers our human survival brain.

Let me clarify – if you’re deep in the trenches of this type of marketing and believe that people need incentives, deadlines, and bulletproof copy in order to buy, there is no judgement from me. It’s simply the way we’ve all been told and believed that online business works, including me. For years!

However, just like the story of the fish who asked “what the heck is water?”, I’ve noticed many business owners may not even understand or be aware of the environment they’ve been swimming in since starting their business.

In fact, most of us small fish have been swimming around in a murky green pond with no idea that a clear, fresh stream even exists.

The murky green water is simply the reality that we live in and we’ve never even thought to question why it’s so hard to wade through or why it makes us feel so icky.

But as I mentioned, we are in the middle of a “market correction” when it comes to popular marketing strategies. The general public is burned out from the constant launching and scarcity messaging taking over their timelines.

So if you feel like you are drowning in a million people’s strategies when it comes to marketing your business, if you feel like it’s hard to differentiate yourself and stand out from everyone else online who does the same thing you do, and if you believe that it is hard to get people interested and connected with what you have to say and what your business stands for, I want you to know it’s not your fault. You are not the problem.

I want you to know that what you’re feeling, I’ve also felt.

I am simply tired of the urgency, scarcity, hype, and hoopla that I see when I get on Instagram or any time I open up my email inbox.

I do not want to introduce pressure and urgency into the minds of my audience, because I truly value their individuality and want to treat them with respect.

I especially don’t like those things as a consumer, so why would I assume those things will be effective or desirable for my audience?

I do not want to abandon or compromise my integrity in order to grow my business online.

I like to make confident, thought-out purchases to make sure I’m being a good steward of the resources the Lord has given me. I like to know that I am making good decisions for my home and putting my family’s best intentions first. I believe my audience values those same things!

I really don’t like it when a business tries to pressure me to take action that is unaligned with those things I value.

And as an introvert, constant online engagement and visibility are draining and I prefer a more peaceful marketing approach that helps me conserve energy and lean into my reserved, introspective strengths.

Since you’re still here reading this, I assume that you share some of my perspectives on this matter and you also want to be a respectful to the people who trust you with their money and their attention without relying on daily online exposure to grow your business.

And the good news is that I DO have a better approach to marketing. One that aligns with my values, and that allows me to show up and simply share my beliefs as I am doing with you here. Cozy marketing.

It doesn’t require me to prioritize volume, and gives me space to show up at my own pace as a working mom of a toddler, while still building real relationships with amazing people who resonate with my message.

I’m going to share the broad strokes of my cozy marketing approach in this post so that you can see if it feels aligned for you.

First, let me share a quick quote from one of my faves – CS Lewis:

“We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back the soonest is the most progressive man… Going back is the quickest way on.” – CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

What I am going to share with you will require you to do an about-turn and walk back to the right road that will take you where you want to go.

Perhaps you’re making progress in your business today. Sales are coming in, your accounts and email list are growing. But is that progress getting you nearer to the place you want to be? The life you want to live?

If the road you’re heading down isn’t one that is leading you to your desired destination, you can’t just simply tweak or pivot. You quite literally have to turn back and take a new road forward in a different direction.

Sometimes turning back is progress.

If you’d like to learn more about those two roads, and figure out which one will get you where you want to go, that’s what we are going to talk about next.

You may have heard that people care more about losing something they already have than they care about gaining something they don’t yet have.

The common example is that someone would be much more emotionally impacted if they lost a $100 bill than they would be if they randomly found a $100 bill on the street.

Loss aversion is just one example of a tactic that has become commonly used in most online marketing. It’s sales psychology.

And tapping into people’s psychological, subconscious impulses has been found to be an effective way to get them to hand over their money.

There are many more examples that I could list, but the main thing you need to know is that the more marketers understand the psychological impulses of people, the more they can manipulate those impulses to their advantage.

Unfortunately this is the reality of online marketing today — the murky green water I mentioned that most of us have never even thought to question.

Let me share with you why and how this type of marketing works, so that you’ll understand where I’m coming from when I share the alternative approach with you next.

As humans, our brains have certain emotional needs that must be met in order to feel safe. Our behavior is then determined by whether these emotional needs have been met or not.

When our emotional needs are unmet, it forces our brain to react as if it is being threatened.

To the brain, emotional needs are as critical as physical needs, and so it will activate our survival fight-or-flight mode when our emotional needs are unmet.

Most common marketing and sales tactics work because they highlight or emphasize unmet emotional needs in the audience in order to activate people’s impulsive, emotional, survival brain and lock them into high-pressure environments where they are forced to make fast decisions or miss out on the opportunity forever.

The funnel approach is especially notorious for threatening emotional needs by removing the option of choice, even going so far as to remove the controls from a webinar so people can’t even pause or fast forward. Literally zero choice, just progress through the funnel in the way that has been pre-determined for you.

I could keep going, but I think you probably get the point.

Highlighting emotional gaps can show up in many areas of our marketing that we may not realize. Even something as simple as not setting clear expectations for what people are going to experience when they click a link or subscribe for a freebie can trigger this response in our brain.

And while we can absolutely (ethically) use tactics like urgency and scarcity at times to provide context and deadlines, the problem arises when they are used to pressure people into making a quick decision from a place of lack.

I know you’ve been led to believe that people need incentives, deadlines, and impeccable sales copy in order to buy anything online. I also believed that for a long time, because I was following the group, looking to my left and to my right and observing what everyone else was doing.

What I find a little funny is that the marketing bros themselves, with their 1% conversion rates, prove that actually like 99% of people do not respond well to high pressure tactics. Otherwise, those conversion rates would be MUCH higher, would they not?

Personally, I want to work with people who are action takers of their own accord, who feel excited to take steps in my direction without needing to be pressured or convinced. In the end, those type of people will get more results and ROI from my offers, and I will feel more fulfilled by working with them.

It’s a win-win scenario where everyone feels respected and everyone comes out better than when we started.

And so I’d like to share with you how we can make sure our marketing messaging speaks to those people, without pressure and without emphasizing emotional gaps that activate their survival brain.

Abandoning these popular marketing methods, taking an about-face turn in the opposite direction, and finding a new road forward is not easy.

Even while writing this article, I have gotten “in the zone,” defaulted to my old ways, then had to backtrack, delete entire sections, and start over.

It takes time to “deconstruct” from the marketing status quo (a response someone shared with me in an email reply recently, and I thought was a fitting description).

At times it’s a little nerve wracking, too. That’s okay. Good things usually are.

But what I think you’ll soon find, if you decide to join me on this new road to cozy marketing, is that meaningful progress actually does come much faster when you’re moving toward the right destination, as the CS Lewis quote says.

At first the things you’ll be doing may seem counterintuitive, but through exercising patience and aligning your marketing messaging with your deepest held values & beliefs, soon enough the right people won’t be able to help but step forward.

As I mentioned, the emotional needs of our brain have two sides to the coin. Unmet needs and met needs. Threats and gains. The common, popular marketing tactics fall under the threats umbrella, highlighting emotional gaps in potential customers.

But cozy marketing does just the opposite.

Instead of highlighting and exploiting emotional gaps, we just go right ahead and fill those gaps in the mind of our audience so that they are PULLED into our world with a gravitational force.

We are unexpectedly straightforward, refreshingly empathetic, and surprisingly low-pressure.

Instead of telling people what they need to do, exposing what they are missing out on, or acting like our solution is the secret to everything they’ve ever wanted (there is NO secret to success, btw) — we do the opposite.

Cozy marketing is marked by clarity and candor. Our understanding, empathy, and concern for our audience creates a safe space where they are willing to listen and open themselves up to a new way of doing things.

There are some questions we can reflect on in order to make sure our marketing helps meet emotional needs in our audience.

These questions are inspired by some that Dave Gray presents in his book Liminal Thinking.

• Does my marketing make this person feel important, recognized, or needed by others?
• Does my marketing make this person feel confident that they know what’s ahead, and that they can predict what comes next with reasonable certainty?
• Does my marketing make this person feel like they have control over their engagement with my brand and control over their buying journey?
• Does my marketing make this person feel like they belong? Do they feel a sense of relatedness? Do they trust me to look after them?
• Does my marketing make this person feel like they are being treated fairly?

And for good measure, here’s a quote from the book:

“People need to feel that they matter, that they have control over their lives, and that they can make decisions for themselves. They need to feel that they are being treated fairly. When people’s basic emotional needs are met, they do better work. When they feel valued and important, they perform at much higher levels. When they have a sense of control, they will take initiative. When they feel a sense of belonging, they will contribute more. When they feel they are being treated fairly, they will go the extra mile.” – Dave Gray, Liminal Thinking

Whew! IDK about you, but reading that fires me up and makes me feel SO encouraged that I do not have to sacrifice my integrity or go against my better judgement in order to succeed in business.

It’s a breath of fresh air and a weight off my shoulders knowing I can simply sit here and write this to you without the need to be over-strategic, and my copy doesn’t have to be bulletproof to “convince” anyone to buy from me.

I’m simply pouring out my beliefs and weaving them into the insights I’m sharing with you to help you understand whether you are a good fit for my world, where people like us do cozy marketing.

As Dave Gray says, it turns out that people actually take MORE action, are MORE invested and MORE eager to buy from you when you offer them radical empathy, autonomy, belonging, and respect.

Quite different from what the marketing bros like to teach!

When you prioritize creating long-term relationships with an audience of people who share core beliefs & values, you almost can’t lose.

And when you take your eyes off the timeline and welcome people in with no thoughts of “how soon will they buy,” you open up space for people to get invested and excited about your brand even before they become a paying customer. Business becomes SO much more fulfilling.

At this point, if you are still reading, you’re likely intrigued and possible excited about the idea of cozy marketing. You may be wondering what this looks like in practice and how you can begin to implement this type of marketing in your business.

As I said, cozy marketing is the kind that feels good for us and for our audience. So it’s very possible that you and I will have different implementations of cozy marketing.

However, the way I have chosen to implement cozy marketing is through what I call building a brand world.

Worldbuilding is much more comprehensive than a simple marketing strategy – it’s actually an entire business structure and marketing is just one piece of the puzzle.

Worldbuilding feels cozy for me because it doesn’t require high visibility (aka, super introvert-friendly) and it’s optimized for long-term growth and compounding results over time. This way, I know that my limited time as a mom is being used to it’s full potential.

If you’d like to learn more about worldbuilding and the models I’ve created to implement worldbuilding in my business, you can get introduced to it by reading this blog post:

What is a Brand World? An intro to worldbuilding for small businesses